all i need from you now is to wake up and see

i realized something. the characteristic i am the most attracted to. talent. i am attracted to talent. more than anything else i think. i'm sitting in my creating and writing monologues class watching this guy who's a playwright perform this monologue he wrote about the summers he used to share with friends. and as i watch him, there's no one more beautiful on the planet than him. this is why i find him so gorgeous, this is why i'm in loove with sidney, this is why i'm friends with marcus and interested in new josh and dated old josh. there's something so intoxicating about watching someone perform. do something they love so deeply-- and to do it well. there's nothing that compares to that kind of passion. any other job; i can't imagine watching someone make sales calls to be as passionate. or someone making spreadsheets or cold calling or whatever. to watch someone sing, or act, or play... it's so sexy and vulnerable and romantic that i get drunk off being a part of that passion. we all look for things in others that we think we lack in ourselves... my own insecurities about my talent might add to why i thrive off what i find amazing. it's REALLY not about me being a groupie. i don't like talent because i like success or find popularity attractive. i just want to be with someone who is as willing to put themselves out there, be honest and self-confident and motivated and lovely. i love that person.

always something there to remind me

i rarely feel like something existential is going on, but wow. thanks to whoever's got my back, i deserve this. thanks for noticing.

no one's gonna take me alive

i feeling so good right now. i think this could actually work. maybe i just have too much good chemicals in me but i'm so content laaaaaaaaaaaaaaahve

here i go again

wow i still really, really miss josh.

busted flat in baton rouge

two things.

a. am i shitty? i haven't got called back or cast in anything in a long time. maybe it's bad luck. or maybe i suck and no one will tell me.

b. why does my new crush have to be named josh?! this isn't fair.

actually i have several thoughts

c. i LOVE my job. babies are the best things in the whole universe

d. i play "when i am skinny" with myself and sarah several times daily. but i really think that it's become "when" and not "if" and i can't wait till im skinny.

e. ladies night is the BEST THING EVER

f. i've been SOO busy. i love it. except i hate how messy my room is.

g. i LOVE andie. she's just the most amazing person ever. :)


i think that's all thank you for reading

movin on up

SFBayArea sent me a message saying "we good 4 a date?"


yes. definitely.