she gives me money when i'm in need

i always have so much to say and no patience to write it all down

1. i drink too much. but i don't care.
2. i wish i could commit to something legitimate in as dedicated a way as i have to Friends
3. i really miss marcus
4. it's my baby love chris water's birthday
5. i have severe ADHD
6. i don't miss driving
7. i'm in love and it's really boring and trying and i wish he was my boyfriend i think.

i'm curious about the human body

I'm drunk and have a lot to say.




1. I hate walking up my hill
2. I am very concerned I may know Friends as well/better than The Office
3. I've gained a lot of weight in a year
4. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone all of my feelings
5. I wish I had a boyfriend
6. I know I'm not in a place to have a healthy relationship
7. I'm ronery.
8. I second guess myself a lot lately


I hope this blog will help me be more honest with my feelings. (aka a big ole girl)

bye bye schtuff.

If you ever need inspiration to organize/get rid of stuff, watch Hoarders while you clean.


This has been a weird week. I'm moving home from SF back to Hayward, due to bad planning on my part of spreading out my loan money. I can move back out when this coming school year's money comes, but that won't happen till late Aug/early Sept. So I'm officially back with my parents. I spent all day cleaning every corner of this room/bathroom so when I go to move out again, it'll be quick and easy. To be honest, though, it's a little bit of a relief to be back home. That will die out quickly, I'm positive of that. But little things like having a fridge with food I didn't pay for but can eat will be a nice break. I know I was only "on my own" for 6 months, but I learned a LOT. A lot a lot. And it was like a nice trial period, because now when I move out again, I know what I want and most importantly, what I don't want. I know that I CAN be independent and WANT to be.

It was so weird to go through so much old stuff today while cleaning. I found so much hilarious stuff from high school, like a great stack of detentions from myself and some friends, that just reminded me about how serious problems are in the past that bear SO LITTLE on the present. I found my "Boyfriend Box", with so many ridiculous notes and knick knacks that I can't even pinpoint their meaning, but would never dare throw away. Old projects and homework assignments.. and 90's Nick being back on just juxtaposes middle school/high school Carissa with me now. I won't go into detail about how much I've changed and grown, blah blah blah, I'm mainly just posting this rambling post as a timestamp for the beginning of what is yet to come. I will be more clear and concise as I get back into the hang of this.