I HATE NOT WORKING.
It is the worst feeling. Especially when I'm also not in school or doing a show. I hate waking up every morning with no plans. I hate not getting a steady paycheck. I felt really empty yesterday, and I couldn't figure out why.. I have an awesome boyfriend, had just hung out with great friends... It was not having work the next day. I hate not offering customer service. Really. The longer that I go without working, the more I realize I really like serving other people. Not to say I'd want to be a servant or anything that dramatic, but it feels good to be in an environment where people are turning to you for a task and you are fulfilling it.. and you also get a monetary reward at the end ;) And speaking of money, not having it is really shitty. If you want to leave your house during the day you're spending money. Gas, movies, food, shopping.. It's very difficult to have an active social life and still be broke. I just really hate that my existence revolves around money. I don't plan on being a rich bitch in my future, but I'll do what I can to make sure that every conversation in my family doesn't revolve around money. I see what it's done to my parents, and regardless of everything else, money has been incredibly stressful. I just can't wait to be active again. In 5 days I'll be starting RENT, which will keep me very busy, and shortly afterward will be starting costumes for Moreau, which is kind of a job. And school. Let's see how it goes!!
OH and Happy New Year? Wtf. This year was so fucking fast. Last new year's really seems like a month or two ago. And how much Josh and I have grown in love in that time! <33 I'm really lucky things turned out the way they did with him. That was really the only area in which I grew this year.. Not to say that was the only thing I focused on in my life, it's just that I stopped working in the summer, school was.. well.. I basically took the semester off.. And my personal growth came out of my relationship I think. Now this year I have to work on external things like school and work. Hopefully those areas will be more fulfilling in the upcoming year! :)
20091220
no justice, no peace
I hate cops.
Ok that's a little harsh but I am in a very sour disposition towards cops. You know why? Because the bulk of their regulatory practices are purely monetary, rather than protectionary or anything else. Take, for example, a fix it ticket for expired registration. What is that about?! Don't you think that the reason it's expired is because I can't afford to pay for it? Now you're putting pressure on me to pay for something I obviously can't. And it's not like it's a traffic hazard for me to have old tags. They're enforcing a law to collect money. They're like tax collectors. When you get a speeding ticket for going 80 in a 65 when NO ONE is on the road, or when you roll through a right red light turn when NO ONE is on the road, and get a ticket.. Well that's not to protect people, that's to collect money. I got a speeding ticket by my house when I was a senior in HS, 120 dollars. The same ticket three years later in the same area going about the same speed: 330 dollars!!! Tickets violate our Constitutional protections of fair punishments for violations of the law! Anyone who was sentenced to, say, 50 years in jail for petty theft would surely appeal their case and win. Why is it then, that it is perfectly acceptable for me to get an exorbitant ticket for going 13 miles over the speed limit?!
For a group of people who were designed to protect and serve the people, it sure seems like their enforcements only do the opposite.
Ok that's a little harsh but I am in a very sour disposition towards cops. You know why? Because the bulk of their regulatory practices are purely monetary, rather than protectionary or anything else. Take, for example, a fix it ticket for expired registration. What is that about?! Don't you think that the reason it's expired is because I can't afford to pay for it? Now you're putting pressure on me to pay for something I obviously can't. And it's not like it's a traffic hazard for me to have old tags. They're enforcing a law to collect money. They're like tax collectors. When you get a speeding ticket for going 80 in a 65 when NO ONE is on the road, or when you roll through a right red light turn when NO ONE is on the road, and get a ticket.. Well that's not to protect people, that's to collect money. I got a speeding ticket by my house when I was a senior in HS, 120 dollars. The same ticket three years later in the same area going about the same speed: 330 dollars!!! Tickets violate our Constitutional protections of fair punishments for violations of the law! Anyone who was sentenced to, say, 50 years in jail for petty theft would surely appeal their case and win. Why is it then, that it is perfectly acceptable for me to get an exorbitant ticket for going 13 miles over the speed limit?!
For a group of people who were designed to protect and serve the people, it sure seems like their enforcements only do the opposite.
20091217
i left my lipstick in your ash tray
I get so mad at skinny people when they complain.
Your problems aren't real, hot stuff.
Your problems aren't real, hot stuff.
20091213
you can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
I hate school.
Ihateitihateitihateitihateit.
I think everyone is warranted to royally fuck up once in their lives. I've received one C in a class in my entire life. I'm not perfect, but I typically make a pretty sufficient effort. Especially since I've changed my major, I have had zero drive to finish the current classes I'm enrolled in. Hopefully next semester will be more provoking and motivating. We'll see.
If not maybe I'll just drop out and live in a field.
Ihateitihateitihateitihateit.
I think everyone is warranted to royally fuck up once in their lives. I've received one C in a class in my entire life. I'm not perfect, but I typically make a pretty sufficient effort. Especially since I've changed my major, I have had zero drive to finish the current classes I'm enrolled in. Hopefully next semester will be more provoking and motivating. We'll see.
If not maybe I'll just drop out and live in a field.
20091210
Listen closer to the verse I lay.
am·o·rous: strongly moved by love and especially sexual love
fe⋅roc⋅i⋅ty: a ferocious quality or state; savage fierceness.
i.e.: My hickey/heart displays amorous ferocity.
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